One to Tear Your Face Off
Wolverine
I thought this little guy would be fitting given the hype on that low budget action film that looks super cheesy. Well, pushing another terrible Marvel adaptation aside, let's focus on this cute little animal. What makes a wolverine special? For one, it is the largest weasel on land. Don't get too confident in a confrontation as this miniature bear will rip your small intestines out like that poor man in Day of the Dead. That is, of course, after taking you down by the knees. By tearing your knees out, actually.
To get it over with, I am from Michigan. So, that must mean I'm excited that one was spotted in a small village directly north of me for the first time in 200 years. Why should I be excited? These critters are known to take out a moose. How am I supposed to guard my family, if I had one presently, when these stocky epic furry balls of sharp things and muscle are roaming the neighborhood? I would move, but wolverine are known to roam at least 15 miles a day when searching for food. They are polygamous and naturally roam great distances. It would only be a matter of time before they found me.
There is a reason or two to respect and fear this beast. Of course, they have jaws from hell, Freddy's glove for paws, and a very tough hide, but what makes them unique? That's easy. Wolverines, among others, have an upper molar that sits on a 90 degree angle. This allows their powerful jaws to crush through bone even easier. This tooth also allows them to suck out the marrow after snapping your femur.
While they may be tiny compared to other large predators with adults weighing in at around 36 lbs and a length of almost three feet, they are not to be taken lightly. Wolverines have been known to fend off much larger predators and are not afraid to go toe to toe with a black bear. Did I mention moose are listed as prey? Usually feeding off larger predators leftovers, they will also attempt to take out caribou and moose.
