One to Dig To Your Heart
The Armadillo
A lot of people seem to have misconceptions of the armadillo. While I am one person that gleefully welcomes them to migrate further north to my fair state, other people seem to think of them as more of a pest. They have been found as far as Illinois, so it’s only a matter of time until I can adopt one from the wild myself.
Speaking of the wild, they are only native to the Americas. There is a lot of folklore about these cute little fellas, but stories like those do not interest me. I could rattle on for pages about the false tales of misunderstood animals, one especially that of the armadillo. As far as science goes, these guys are quite the handful.
The nine-banded armadillo is the one species out of the many that might be the most interesting to refer specifically. Not only are armadillos the one of few non-human animals that can be infected with leprosy, but the nine-banded armadillo gives birth to four genetically identical quadruplets in each litter. There are very, very few species in the world that are known to possess this unique reproductive ability.
Speaking of ability, the armadillo doesn’t fall short of impressing would be skeptics of how lazy they may perceive the beast. A motorist may drive across a road and see a dead armadillo lying on the side. The immediate conclusion would be to think that it was hit by a car by darting into traffic, but how exactly was it struck? Typically by the fender.
Armadillos can jump rather high for looking so stubby and heavy. There are other animals in the world that give very odd instinctual reactions to being startled such as the genetically engineered fainting goats who go into temporary paralysis if given a good scare. It is thought that the fainting goat experiences no pain, but other animals are not as fortunate.
The armadillo will leap up in the air from a non-moving standing position high enough to be struck by the fender of an automobile. Imagine a car on the road driving and there is an animal in the way. The immediate horn blast scares the poor creature into a leap that places it directly in front of the car. It may be sad, but it is an impressive jumping feat nonetheless.
Other amazing abilities that other species of armadillo possess is the ability to inflate itself with air enough to swim across bodies of water and, quite the opposite, remain underwater for up to six minutes. There is one type that actually rolls up into a ball for defense like the common woodlouse. Though, I would imagine the armadillo has the clear advantage over which has the best defense capability.
Indeed, they are only known to be in the Americas, but what about fossil records? Well, one fossil record found in South America compares the size of the ancient armadillo to that of a car. Ridiculous to think about if it could roll itself into a ball and travel like when all the aliens in Critters 2 combined to form a ball of flesh eating terror. Well, except this guy would crush full sized sedans.
There exist so many species of armadillo, from cute and little to big and hairy. While I will not get into specifics about each and every one, just know that I would enjoy very much so to have one as a pet roaming my home. Of course, one that would not have the instinct to burrow around the basement. I can only imagine what linoleum would do to a set of claws.
One to Eat Your Mother’s Corpse
The Komodo Dragon
When I was young, like most boys, I was fascinated by lizards and dinosaurs. Especially dinosaurs. I knew all of the names of dinosaurs, recognized which was which in books, knew what their diet consisted, and what period they thrived. Dinosaurs were an enormous deal for me and it was a childhood desire to grow up to become a paleontologist. After a viewing of Jurassic Park, the dream became a fantasy when I realized that paleontology is the study of fossils. I will never have the chance to meet a living dinosaur as they are extinct.
Until I went on a class field trip to the Toledo Zoo in Ohio. There were Komodo dragons on display. Not only did these enormous lizards plunge me back into my younger years of interest, I began a whole new idea on what I would like to do when I’m older. Of course, working in a zoo was one of those ideas, as working day to day with animals I have only seen on the Discovery Channel would be a huge thrill. I saw zoo keepers swim in tanks full of exotic fish to clean and maintain the habitat. Depending on the position gained, it would be rare to have a boring work day.
I found my professional calling elsewhere, but still think that the huge monitor lizards native to several islands in Indonesia are an awesome sight. If it wasn’t for protective barriers, the 7 to 10 foot, 350 pound lizard would descend upon the unlucky stumbler with the force of a fearsome beast equipped with powerful legs, large, sharp claws, and a tail they use for more than just whipping. The Komodo dragon can rear back on its hind legs and use the support of the tail to stand up straight and tall. This must be an amazing sight, but I can only imagine feeling overwhelming fear knowing it can charge with speeds up to 12 miles per hour. It may not sound fast, but they are very stealthy, strategic hunters. They normally go for the throat.
The Komodo dragon is a carnivore in every way possible. Not only will it eat live prey, even their own as they are cannibals, but they have a steady diet of carrion. A carcass is a quick and easy meal as they have no competition on their native islands. This is called island gigantism. There was not another animal to challenge them for dominance. This explains the monitor lizards extreme size, but it does not explain the disgusting habit of digging up human corpses from graves and eating the remains. Aside from being a terrifying predator, they are also grave robbers.
While they are great hunters, they are extremely vicious when it comes to prey. They typically eat an animal alive by tearing chunks of flesh off the body while holding whatever it would be down with powerful legs. Although, if the animal is small enough, like a goat, it will be swallowed whole. To speed up the process of swallowing an animal, the Komodo dragon will ram the body of the animal against a tree shoving it further down the throat. Don’t worry, the Komodo dragon will be fine during this process because it will not suffocate while swallowing an animal whole as it has a snorkel underneath its tongue. It has all the time it needs. It’s also safe to say that these enormous lizards will eat just about anything, dead or alive, including horses.
If a human being, or any other animal, does survive an attack, they will undoubtedly need immediate medical attention for more than the gaping wounds. Their saliva contains a great deal of bacteria and can be considered rather venomous. While there is no antidote for the infection caused by its bite, don’t worry, the Komodo dragon is completely immune to its own biological warfare. In the saliva exists a deadly strain of P. multocida, which is very serious news to a bite victim. Most animals that survived, but were bitten, typically live a week before the disease kills them slowly.
These monogamous lizards aren’t all bad, though. The female can reproduce asexually in the absence of males. This was recently documented in detail by a zoo in Kansas. While it might be possible that a single female can land on an island, lay over 10 eggs, and allow them to hatch. They will all be male, but that’s no problem. The female will then reproduce with the males, her very own, to allow reproduction to allow females to be born. This is obviously a rather worrisome flaw because it’s a very bad idea to scrape the bottom of the gene pool barrel. Google an article about cousins marrying and then try (don’t) to imagine what happens when you multiply that by eleven.
Although, they really aren’t all that bad. Numerous accounts in zoos reporting that Komodo dragons have actually been taken out of their enclosures to interact with the visitors of the zoo. They become tame rather quickly and like to play. While having a brain and an impressive memory, we know that they are not confusing a bucket with a piece of meat. The Komodo dragon will carry the bucket around in its mouth, stick its head in a box, and several other documented games to engage in play. While they may be a fun display at a zoo to watch and study, people must exercise extreme caution when encountering a Komodo dragon in the wild. If provoked or have their territory threatened, they can become killing machines.
An Animal That Eats Your Mom’s Face … Twice
Moray Eel
Since the first day I read about this fantastic new find about Moray Eels, it keeps me awake at night knowing the deep sea is undoubtedly the creepiest place on the planet. There are over 200 species of Moray Eel on the planet and can reach lengths of 10 feet. It was thought before that, like many other fish, Moray Eels feed by the use of suction. This was wrong. The new discovery is so horrifying, it may bring about the end of civilization. Well, maybe not, but it will at least force people to perform an already ridiculously abused double take.
Everyone knows the Moray Eel. They are featured in aquariums staring right back with a jaw moving that resembles an animal gasping for air, but it’s definitely not suffocating. While this animal is typically seen with it’s body parked in a hole showing only their menacing eyes and snout full of teeth. That frighteningly calm visage is deceiving because most will never know their true horror: an entirely different set of jaws that perform the feeding.
Oh, yes. Another set of jaws that actually do the eating while the primary jaws hold the prey in place. Moray Eels are the only fish discovered that possess a completely separate set of jaws used in this way. This happens in fractions of a second. With evolution obviously inspired by the work of H. R. Giger, it has given an animal a very epic eating ability. Perhaps not as frightening as many other animals that will top the list of scariest animals known to mankind, but it is definitely one of the coolest discoveries in what was thought a well known animal.
An Animal to Question the Divine
Platypus
Probably one of the most bizarre animals on this blog seeing as it is a mammal, but is rather extraordinary. Most of us probably remember this little beast when we were laughing at the name and pictures in grade school. Though, you can’t blame science for creating such an awkward looking animal and allowing a human to give it such a ridiculous name. Try to pin the blame anywhere in an attempt to explain this animal, but no matter what scapegoat is used, this is probably the weirdest animal in the world.
A strange appearance, indeed, as it has the feet of an otter, the bill of a duck, and the tail of a beaver. As if the looks weren’t enough, it is also the only mammal to lay eggs instead of performing live birth. If the egg laying wasn’t weird enough, it is one of the only mammals, and perhaps the most potent out of the small group, to have the ability to produce venom. The male’s hind leg ankle spurs are poisonous. It is not lethal to a human being, but it can be extremely painful or it can, at times, disable a victim as large as a medium sized dog.
To say that the Platypus is a unique creature is a means to try to avoid cosmic discussions of evolution and Creationism. Though, if there is a God, I find it humorous that He not only watches in sheer boredom as we commit murder in His name without prejudice because that man, woman, or child does not belong to a sacred order, tribe, village, planned community, church, country, or race, but he also has the time to stop and deliver an animal that makes school children around the world giggle as much as He undoubtedly did before the first egg hatched.
Even more striking about this mammal is that it has the ability of electrolocation. This allows them to their locate their prey by detecting electric fields generated by muscular contractions. This system in the Platypus is extremely sensitive. Add this to the fact it is a great swimmer and you have a shrimp’s worst nightmare. The Platypus is a carnivore, but only eats insect larvae, shrimp, and crayfish. It needs at least 20% of its body weight in food daily, so it is actively hunting for food twelve hours a day.
In evolutionary biology, the genome study of this fantastic animal revealed that the platypus genome contains bird, reptilian, amphibian, fish, and mammalian DNA. Also, unlike normal mammals containing two sex chromosomes, the Platypus has ten. The platypus genome has both reptilian and mammalian genes associated with egg fertilization. It also lacks the sex determining Y chromosome, leaving the process of sex determination a mystery. The study revealed in Spring of 2008 in Nature has proven that this is the first species to evolve from reptile to mammal.
One to Tear Your Face Off
Wolverine
I thought this little guy would be fitting given the hype on that low budget action film that looks super cheesy. Well, pushing another terrible Marvel adaptation aside, let’s focus on this cute little animal. What makes a wolverine special? For one, it is the largest weasel on land. Don’t get too confident in a confrontation as this miniature bear will rip your small intestines out like that poor man in Day of the Dead. That is, of course, after taking you down by the knees. By tearing your knees out, actually.
To get it over with, I am from Michigan. So, that must mean I’m excited that one was spotted in a small village directly north of me for the first time in 200 years. Why should I be excited? These critters are known to take out a moose. How am I supposed to guard my family, if I had one presently, when these stocky epic furry balls of sharp things and muscle are roaming the neighborhood? I would move, but wolverine are known to roam at least 15 miles a day when searching for food. They are polygamous and naturally roam great distances. It would only be a matter of time before they found me.
There is a reason or two to respect and fear this beast. Of course, they have jaws from hell, Freddy’s glove for paws, and a very tough hide, but what makes them unique? That’s easy. Wolverines, among others, have an upper molar that sits on a 90 degree angle. This allows their powerful jaws to crush through bone even easier. This tooth also allows them to suck out the marrow after snapping your femur.
While they may be tiny compared to other large predators with adults weighing in at around 36 lbs and a length of almost three feet, they are not to be taken lightly. Wolverines have been known to fend off much larger predators and are not afraid to go toe to toe with a black bear. Did I mention moose are listed as prey? Usually feeding off larger predators leftovers, they will also attempt to take out caribou and moose.
Not Your Mother’s Crabs
Coconut Crab
The largest land-living arthropod in the world. A body length up to 16 inches and can weigh up to 9 lbs. A leg span of more than 3 feet. Their front claws can lift up to 64 pounds. With one swipe, the Coconut Crab can crack open a coconut. They can live up to thirty years. Coconut Crabs cannot swim and will drown when introduced into a deep enough pool of water.
These crabs have a complex respiratory system and special lungs to allow them to breath on land. They are called Branchiostegal lungs. This organ can be interpreted as a developmental stage between gills and lungs. They use their smallest set of claws to clean their breathing organs and to moisten them with seawater.
A stranger fact about these crabs is their reproductive cycles. As a larvae, they float in the ocean for 28 days. They then live on the ocean floor and shore for 28 days as hermit crabs calling discarded shells or busted coconuts home. After these 28 days, they leave the ocean permanently and lose their ability to breath in water. About 4 to 8 years, they mature enough to mate. Oddly enough, they still possess gills in adulthood, but are vestigial.
Though, they primarily eat fruit, they have been known to eat slow or dead animals. One unique behavior they possess in the whole animal kingdom is that they cut holes in a coconut and eat the contents. They have a another smaller set of claws that are used to remove the deliciousness inside.
Not an incredibly horrifying creature, as it may surprise the tourist spotting one in a tree, but to come across one crawling up the side of your garbage can would be an absolute nightmare early in the morning.
One last note is they are too slow to be any real threat to human beings, but if threatened and in range, they will unleash an extremely painful pinch. To release the insanely strong grip of a Coconut crab, simply rub their tummy.
Aww.
One to Make Your Sister Faint
Bombardier beetle
Probably one of the most interesting bugs that I know, considering the enormous debates on Creationism revolving around the complexities of the Bombardier beetle. Though, it is also one of the most disgusting. The list for disgusting bugs is rather long, but this little guy surely ranks high in the top 20 in my imaginary list.
There are over 500 species of the Bombardier beetle. Now, they may look like a normal beetle, but they have one very special defense mechanism that makes them unique. You see, they fire a mixture of chemicals from their special glands in their abdomen. While that would not be very incredible on its own, the mixture is of two different stored chemicals; hydroquinone and hydrogen peroxide.
When threatened, the two chemicals are mixed through two separate tubes with small amounts of catalytic enzymes and then it fires the primary weapon. The terrible smelling fluid that shoots out violently from the abdomen reaches the boiling point, 100+ degrees Fahrenheit, and makes a loud popping sound. Each time it does this it shoots about 70 times very rapidly. It is very painful on human skin.
My Least Favorite Insect Murders Your Family
Asian Giant Hornet
The world’s largest hornet.
I am deathly afraid of hornets, wasps, and bees. I’m not kidding. Apiphobia; bee phobia. I know enough about bees to try to rationalize my irrational fear. I know that the common type will not sting me to death unprovoked. Though, that does not help my unreasonable fear of these insects. The buzzing, colors, and the sight of them circling over head is enough to make me take cover as if someone were chucking grenades.
Perhaps the ultimate test would be to come face to face with this giant hornet, but I doubt I would remember the experience, as I would pass out immediately on the sight of one of these behemoths. I would most definitely and undoubtedly die. From fear.
Here are a few facts of these flying demons.
They can reach lengths of 2-3 inches. The mandible of these insects are incredibly large and easily bite their prey in half.
The stinger alone is a quarter of an inch long. The Japanese Giant Hornet can inject a very dangerous venom that is a mixture of many different chemicals. Essentially, the venom causes tissue damage and even can dissolve said affected area. Oh, and another chemical that summons more giant hornets.
Happily, there is little to fear about their stingers. These giant hornets typically rely on their enormous jaws to crush their prey. It’s a lot faster to bite your enemies in half than wait for them to flail around dying from lethal injection.
Many perfumes will simulate the pheromones that summon more of these death incarnates with wings and even encourage them to swarm and attack the area. Do not apply any sensual liquids before a brisk hike.
They can fly up to 60 miles in a day and reach speeds up to 25 mph. Needless to say, there is no outrunning these buggers and I would recommend a simple forced blow to the head via a nearby tree to render yourself unconscious to escape the pain from a very brutal death.
While not unique to this species alone, the adult hornets cannot digest solid protein. So, the adults chew their kills into a paste which is then fed to their larvae. The larvae then produce a type of liquid that the adults eat.
In the video below, you will see a pack of giant hornets annihilate 30,000 honey bees. 30 against 30,000. All of this death to chew up the honey bees larvae to feed their own larvae which in turn feeds themselves. The greater good, right?
My Second Favorite Crustacean Straight Up Kills Your Mother
The Mantis Shrimp
Referred to as “thumb splitters” by modern divers — because of the relative ease the creature has in mutilating small appendages.
They are commonly separated into two distinct groups determined by the manner of claws they possess: Spearers are armed with spiny appendages topped with barbed tips. Smashers, on the other hand, possess a much more developed club.
The club is used to bludgeon and smash their meals apart. The “punch” delivered has roughly the acceleration of a .22 caliber bullet.
Mantis shrimp can break through aquarium glass with a single strike from their spear.
Because they strike so rapidly, they generate cavitation bubbles between the appendage and the striking surface .
The prey is hit twice by a single strike; first by the claw and then by the collapsing cavitation bubbles that immediately follow. Even if the initial strike misses the prey, the resulting shock wave can be enough to kill or stun the prey.
Mantis shrimp possess hyperspectral colour vision, allowing up to 12 colour channels extending in the ultraviolet. Their eyes are considered to be the most complex eyes in the animal kingdom.
The mantis shrimp remain with the same partner for up to 20 years.
Mantis shrimp appear to be highly intelligent, are long-lived and exhibit complex behaviour, such as ritualised fighting.
My New Favorite Animal Kicks Your Mother’s Ass
The Pistol Shrimp
Among the fascinating creatures of the deep is a finger-size shrimp with an oversize claw—resembling a boxing glove—that it uses to stun its prey by snapping the claw shut. The snapping produces a sharp cracking sound.
When the claw snaps shut, a jet of water shoots out from a socket in the claw at speeds of up to 62 miles (100 kilometers) an hour, generating a low-pressure bubble in its wake. As the pressure stabilizes, the bubble collapses with a loud bang.
The whole process, which was recorded with the use of high-speed cameras and sound equipment, occurs within 300 microseconds.
The researchers say the light emitted from the snapping shrimp’s bubbles suggests that the temperature inside the bubbles must be at least 5,000 degrees Kelvin (8,540 degrees Fahrenheit) at the time of collapse.
When colonies of the shrimp snap their claws, the cacophony is so intense that submarines can take advantage of it to hide from sonar.
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